Why am I so good at being the younger sister...
but so horrible at being the older one?
Why does this keep happening to me?
What am I doing wrong?
I don't understand...
It's so complicated.
My little sister and I will be happy for a little while...
playing around and laughing.
having ourselves a good time, ya know?
and then... I'll say something that I don't mean...
she pauses for a moment and gives me this.... saddened look..
and the next thing I know, we're yelling in each other's faces.
She always walks away from me and retreats to her room when it finally subsides,
and I, being the sensitive crybaby that I am, end up tearing up and running to fix it.
I knock on the door.
Continuously calling her name to the point that i'm screaming.
Tears streaming down my face...
Begging for a reply...
but get no answer...
"Sydney, come on, Nut... open the door..."
"I'm sorry... I didn't mean it..."
"It just slipped out, I swear!"
"Please come out..."
"I'm so sorry..."
"I'll be a better sister... I promise.."
In yet, in my heart I know i'll mess up again...
I'll say something stupid again...
I'll screw up again...
and we'll both end up right where we were before...
She claims that she doesn't hate me,
and I believe her.
I just wouldn't blame her if she did.
I am such a shitty older sister...
I'm sorry for being such a failure...
Listening to: Failure - Breaking Benjiman
Drinking: Sweet Iced Tea